Ashesius' Iliad - Part One

As it is now our second full day in 'The US of A', it is overdue time for a blog post from Ash, or Iliad as they shall be known from now on. In this ditty, I shall be commenting on our journey so far - from airport to Wendy's burger and gas station to Trapper's Monastery.

Our odyssey began prosaically enough with a relaxing check-in and 'Bridge Breakfast' (which differed from a Full English in that it had two rashers of bacon - surely that should be standard?) before boarding the BA flight to San Francisco. To be fair, the flight was manageable considering it's 10 hourness. The A/V experience was nearly flawless with a myriad selection of new films, TV shows and music (I watched the new Coens' flick and various animated jocularity).

San Francisco was where the fun really started. At the initial immigration check, I was flagged for not filling in my papers correctly and sent the the 'Questioning Office' while the other boys passed through without trouble. I was grilled by the besuited Homeland Security types over trivialities such as:

Homeland Security Fascist: 'Have you been to Pakistan?'
Innocent Traveller: "[Smirk] Errr no..."
HSF: 'Have you been to the Middle East?'
IT: "I've been to Egypt four times [sharp inhalation - why did I freely give away potentially incriminating evidence?]"
HSF: 'Has your passport been through the wash?'
IT: "Yeah, how did you notice that? [note to self dont ask them questions in case it offends them and they reach for the rubber gloves]"
HSF: 'Where else have you been that isnt on your passport?'
IT: "Ukraine - the stamp has washed off [stop telling them about non-Western countries you've visited Ash!]"
HSF: 'When is your flight out? How do I know you're going to leave?'
etc etc

After twenty minutes or so of this I was permitted entry, only to find that Kev's luggage had been mis-placed...

You know when you've been Spango'd
Fortunateley for the boys, Kev's luggage was returned by some miscreant after two hours of advanced fretting. This gave us sufficient time for a quick beer (San Francisco's Anchor Steam) before boarding our final flight of the day to Salt Lake City (SLC, Sometimes Licked Concrete or Shaven Liqourice Chapel). This Aviary sojourn was made most pleasant by the slightly condescending yet friendly japes of our hostess air steward Hao Li. Oh how we laughed when she asked us "Are you cold" knowing full well the answer would be "I'm hot" given the soaring temperature...

I anticipate no less controversy on the return journey.

Ash